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Nostalgic Funerals

Sep. 5th, 2016 07:47 am Last night

Last night I did something I'm not very proud of at all. I told off my ex whom I do honestly still care greatly for as a person and kindred spirit. She is married now. What confuses me is that I'll be talking to her, trying to figure out a time to talk if I need help or advice, but then I'll get an email from him telling me I've upset her and that I need to walk away. I find this odd. She doesn't seem to understand this view. Heck, thought I had more but basically I just feel like crap and wish to apologize. Problem is, I'm sure my apology would be met with her husband threatening me.

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Nov. 9th, 2009 01:17 am No.vem.ber.09.2009

I'm losing faith in everything around. Can somebody help me?

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Feb. 13th, 2008 05:51 am STOPGAPS VOL.UNO

1. lady america
2. i am god to you
3. please
4. munki say, munki do
5. clap with 1 hand
6. the edge of the world

4-01-2008


later in the year....

DRONE YEAR ONE:SHADES OF INDULGENCE & PRETENSION

one track,quite long,quite self indulgent.... starting panning it now, people.

talk later...

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Jan. 10th, 2008 08:25 pm "Love"

Such a tempered word. Such an old, use word. Thrown around like a rag doll.

I love you. I'm not over you. No one gets me like you do. I long for stolen moments to kiss you and adore you as if there would never be any more tomorrows. Please show me the way to your heart. We seem... obvious. I would be so faithful and loving and caring. I wish to be the one to share in all your triumphs and tragedies (hopefully many more of the former) and wake to you every day. I could pour my entire life into you. With you in my life, nothing could stop me. The possibilities are endless.

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Dec. 17th, 2007 02:53 am hours away

So nervous right now and unable to sleep. I keep going over and over in my head how it will be when I see her again, finding myself hoping it will feel like it's been a long time and not her acting "german" and indifferent. Yeah, I'm a dork.

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

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Dec. 16th, 2007 11:46 am after so long...

... so here I am, in a better place with a good job and a few months now behind me where my old mindset of years ago reared its ugly head... only not so ugly but welcomed back with open arms. Who I've been the last couple years would say this return to form is a big f u to someone speaking of alligators, but then again I wonder to myself why I would ever wish to say such a thing to this person. They are a reason I am where I am....

The main reason for the inspiration to write this today is that I realize many people have and will let me down. I know, why does that matter? We all have our own lives and no one should be here to please me. There's quite a few people out there now that I could honestly care less if I ever see again. A few surprises in there. There's the one who thinks he can be a photographer and accuses others of rumor mills, there's one I still believe will save the world but seems to not have changed in other ways since returning from Russia, there's people in an entertainment company I work with who I know I won't lose touch with anytime soon but find myself not really caring day to day, there's the person who appears the part of an actor moonlighting as a singer/I mean a gold digger (and why does Kayne West constantly insist on having temper tantrums and thinking racism holds him down), there's just about everyone from my days in school, there's someone recently moved from San Fran to Richmond, there's another in Jersy.... maybe the hint here is that I truly am meant for somewhere else out there. Maybe I should go to Cali to stay. Then I can be one of those ultra hip coolness parasites who returns to a ticker tape parade in Dead Fred once or twice a year. Oh yeah, then there's the two people who gave me life, too. I know, I should be worried... or should I?

Do understand, true believers: Save for a little uneasiness with the holidays and a familiar face seemingly returned to put an ache on the heart, I'm really in a better place. I'm not angry nor sweating it. I wish everyone wellness in life. I just don't need you.

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Jun. 21st, 2007 10:24 am Lately...

I am expecting to crumble when on the road in a couple weeks. I am worried I won't be ok by the end. I am scared. I I I me me me.... evil will be my name

Current Mood: blankblank

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May. 11th, 2007 06:35 pm In A Little While

So it's been over 6 months since I last wrote. I have a problem. While I'm not an alcoholic, when I do drink I become a monster. I get quite ugly with someone who means the world to me. Yes indeed... means the world to me yet I am a monster to them. This person has more than put up with episodes of chaos from me. There are many issues swirling about in my life right now. "Mr Hyde" is knocking at my door. He shows himself in the times of drunken delusions. I feel him wanting out more and more, to completely consume me. Personal demons, all led by Hyde, coming to claim my soul, licking at any wound they can find. Ok, sorry to go overboard in the description there, but I literally feel like something "evil" is desiring to have me. My biggest fear is that somehow I have tapped into an era I thought long gone... dead... and it's here to stay. I want the good life, yet my mind keeps thinking it should come to me AND THEN I make the effort. I know, doesn't work that way. I sense damnation drawing near... good night.

Current Location: My head
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: Requiem

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Nov. 5th, 2006 11:26 pm Hello

Anybody know the first track from the last Cure album? Their self titled one? That's me. I am worried at thoughts going through my head as of late.... and no, it's not due to a woman. It's my life.

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Oct. 11th, 2006 04:17 pm Latest

So last night was a return to the tavern. Interesting and nice for a bit. Even had a chance to do an original song. Very nice with that. So this morning I wake up to feel I'm about to explode. A lot in my head right now and very much uncertain about the near future. It's quite unsettling in many ways. I may have to make some decisions that I don't like but that I know are for the best. And the light at the end of the tunnel isn't so bright right now. Not to be a downer.... I am hopeful.

Current Mood: scaredscared
Current Music: Sounds of Worry

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